The second Monday of the block without my lie in! I miss it already 😦 We started off with an interesting lecture about CNS infections and how they present in A&E. This was interesting as this linked to our CBL case of the week so we could gain some understanding of what was going on. We also had a lecture on the treatment of a patient in the emergency room which lead to discussions about patient autonomy and when consent needed to be gained or what could be done when the patient was unconscious. If I could sum up that lecture, it was like studying for medical school interviews all over again, respect patients autonomy.
I got unnecessarily excited today as I thought I was going to have to battle through the snow but it turns out that the snow was sue to Tuesday evening, not the morning. We had part two of our community day where we presented our patient cases. This week we didn’t get pulled up on anonymity and we were praised for our slides which felt good as we had improved since last time. I had to leave early today as I had to get to UHCW for the first session of the advanced neuroanatomy course that I had signed myself up to in preparation for the undergraduate neuroanatomy competition in November. It was a stressful journey as I was meant to arrive at UHCW at 5:15 in time for the teaching at 6. That did not happen. At 5:30 I was still on bus 1/2 and nowhere near getting onto the second. I ended up getting off the bus early and getting an uber over there.
It was so worth it though as sitting in a room with people loving the brain as much as I did gave me a lot of self-confidence as it meant I was not weird and I began to enjoy the fact I have loved this block to pieces. Something which I know is not shared amongst my fellow coursemates.
We had our final labs of the block today which involved me sticking EEG electrodes onto my head and having a nap on the floor. Hard morning for me! However, this forced nap meant I struggled to work the rest of the day so I hung around for my mentor and my student seminar. They had been amazing and shifted the day so I could still attend as the neuro teaching has ended up on Tuesday.
We had a CBL session today about a lady with dementia but it was hard to get through it as the lecture we needed was happening straight after the CBL session. It was enjoyable but for some reason, I could not lock into the session and my mind wandered around for the whole time. I was in a pretty bad mood by the time I got into the lecture but our block lead came up and said: “Dr__ said thank you”.
I was confused. Dr ___ was the consultant surgeon who came and gave us a lecture the other week, I had done nothing bar email his secretary about the projects and I was pretty sure he was not thanking me for that. However, our block lead mentioned the blog. And it all made sense. I had mentioned about being happy that we were being taught by a consultant and that he was pretty funny and that I enjoyed the lecture. My lecturer joked about him mentioning it about putting it in his next appraisal so I jokingly said: “only if he will let me into the operating room”. However, I had turned to my friend who had the blog up and was reading it and commented: “how brown nose can you get?!”….. Safe to say the good mood was over.
I decided to go home after that lecture and not go to PPD. They are sign in sessions but I was not feeling in the mind to sit around and talk about teamwork. I ended up in my bed tossing and turning in a bit of a black cloud.
I also took some pictures of the confused ducks who were lacking their normal activity source as the lake had frozen completely solid!
I didn’t go in today. I needed a break away from medicine, I needed to get away from the thing that was causing me to lose it. Looking back, it was the correct thing to do. I would not have got anything from the day and I was completely not in my right mind. I spent the majority of the day sleeping and sorting out things in my room that needed doing. Essentially, avoiding the whole medicine thing. I still was in a weird space come 7pm, I needed shopping so I went over to Aldi and pushed the trolley round for a good hour. The only way I can describe this mood was similar to when you are drunk and are happy to be pulled everywhere because you can’t think for yourself (no, of course, this isn’t speaking from first-hand memories!)
I got back and slowly, my head began to clear. I began to feel like me again and I managed to do some work. It was such a hard week but I am glad I seem to have got over that hurdle.
No lie in again! We had physiology day and it has been one of the first that I have actually known what is going on! I am in no way shape or form to actually do the exam now but it was the confidence boost I needed. A couple of us headed to the duck after to have a drink before I came back to my room and did my CBL assignment.
These past couple of weeks has seen my social network fall, me loose a lot of trust in people and my mental health decline but I think I am getting back on the horse. I suppose I am thankful that this occured when I was enjoying the academics rather than when I was struggling. I am a lot better now, partly due to the antidepressants I have been on for the past 4 years and I am going to try and cut caffeine out of my diet as I think this is making me worse (she says having bought a massive pack of caffeine tablets this week).
I have also been expanding my blog to cover twitter, facebook and as of today… Youtube… God help me.